Changes

I really feel like we are on the horizon (or have already hit the horizon and are in full steam ahead) of changes. I see the boys as older these last couple of weeks. The way they look (and how much heavier/longer they are to carry), the strength in their bodies (S held on to some rings and was able to hang keeping his arm bent for a good 12 seconds!), their conversation skills, their independence (when comfortable, shows when they play with their friends - they just come back to check in with me every once in awhile but are more than content to play with their friends without J or I involved), etc. I know they are more than ready to embrace these changes, as well as continue their journey of change, but for some reason I feel this resistance. I love who they are now... I love the conversations, I love them taking initiative to do things around the house, I love hearing them interact and navigate one another, I love their little sense of humor showing, I love seeing them having a blast with their friends - full on smiles across their faces. So what's the deal. I guess I also LOVE the snuggles, their little warm bodies, just the whole age 4 (it was such a great year for us), the doing things together. I know they are quickly disappearing. Luckily, N is a natural snuggler - he loves to sit on my lap and play with my hair, or play with my hair as we are reading a book together, to wake up slowly after a deep nap - letting me lay there with him and rub his back. I guess part of it is knowing that this is just the beginning of them growing into full independent people, which means growing away from me. Yes, I know that when that happens it is ultimately a good thing. That's what's supposed to happen... that doesn't necessarily mean I'm quite ready. I'll get there. Eventually.