Feeling Sad

I felt really sad today. We have our normal weekly coffee meet up, music class and then some activity together after class (typically the park but sometimes we change it up) and I was feeling extra sensitive. This was S's first time wearing his patch and glasses around his music class friends and the little boys (and of course the parents) took it in stride. I have to say the little boys were actually pretty non-plussed by it and didn't even ask him about it when they saw it. When the little girl arrive (only little girl in the group), she was more affected. She seemed to want to avoid S and definitely didn't play with him like she normally does. He sensed her pulling away and tried to hug her and she got really upset and didn't want him to touch her. I felt so sad for S. I understand the little girl and where she is coming from but my heart belongs to my little boys and I felt so sad that one of them was feeling excluded. He took it in stride pretty good and I don't think his natural inclination was to automatically assume it was his patch or his glasses - he looked to me with a questioning look and I told him it was probably because it was so warm and maybe she just wasn't in a hugging mood. After that, I just wanted to cry. I think I also don't like things to change and I think they are and know they will.

We wound up bowling after class (the kids in music class did amazing - they didn't point out his patch or glasses at all... the teacher commented on his glasses after class saying that he was now like her since she wears glasses and then asked about the patch... one of the little boys we had coffee with was so cute and gave the teacher the full explanation that they'd gotten at coffee). However, the kids all seemed off. Not sure what it was but it affected me today for some reason. I know at that point I was off and still was feeling pretty sad.

The boys have been extra rambunctious lately. Not sure what's up... they fight over everything. Lots of whining, lots of fussing, and it seems like the start of talking back is upon us. Ugh. They both have not been listening... we (J & I) really need to figure out how to address this better as we have had no success.

Also, I've really noticed that lately N has been more and more attached to whatever S has or do whatever S is doing. The glasses were an example but also, as soon as S picks up a toy to play with, N immediately insists S share it with him (Then the fighting mentioned above starts in). He really caught me off guard when we were looking at a book of pictures from their birthday party I made the boys. He kept asking me which one was him when their were pictures of just S & N. Could he really not tell? Sometimes, I think he definitely has a bit more of a fuzzy definition of him and S. He's always been the one most upset if we split up into 2 + 2 (date night was super rough on him for the first 4 weeks or so - date night when he went with J one F to dinner and then with me the next week while S went with the other parent to dinner to a different place).

Dinner: homemade pumpkin ravioli (first time attempting this) with sage butter sauce, green salad, strawberries, plum and cherries.
Activity: music class, bowling, Legos with J in the afternoon, tricycle ride around the block, and Horton Hears a Who
Stories: A Book about Bodies (by Usborne - don't remember actual title) (N), Where Manta Ray (N), first chapter of Henry and Rigbsy by Beverly Clearly (S).