School, School, School

In all the birthday and Easter celebrations, I've forgotten to post about the quest to find the boys the right K. We applied to one private school, we are wait listed for one out-of-district public language immersion program and then we have our local public elementary school in our district.

We heard back from the private school the Friday before the boys' party. They called to let me know that they were giving the boys "the gift of time" because while they really liked the boys and think there is a fit with our family and the school, they felt the boys were too young, immature (not necessarily in how they behaved but more in what they did and didn't do with respect to teacher instructions) and definitely behind in the fine motor skills. It was such a hard thing to hear - it was so unexpected and my natural inclination was to wonder what as a mom I hadn't done right. I cried all the way home from work that afternoon. I wound up talking with E on the phone as I drove and she was so kind and listened so nicely.

The birthday party was a nice distraction and it gave me a chance to step back and digest everything. I finally realized that we were fortunate to even have an assessment from folks that know what they are doing and do this type of thing for many kids every year. If we had just gone to a public school there would have been no assessments, they would have just looked at the boys' birth dates. So, this meant we were getting extra feedback and needed to take advantage of that opportunity. I emailed the admissions lady with some follow up questions and we wound up talking on the phone the following week and went over the assessment in much greater detail.

I was so relieved that the first thing she told me was the gift of time did not mean the boys were not bright. They just wanted to make sure they were coming in when they were most ready to learn. The assessment had various exercises that are relatively standardized to see where the kids are - they had them draw a square and see if they drew so many square corners, they had them add body parts to a circle and wanted to see if they added at least seven (the boys only added 2), they wanted them to copy a letter (the letter V) to the other side of the paper (S' was not legible and N wound up tracing the letter rather than copying it). She did say that the boys were so well behaved and very playful and sweet. After hearing the more detailed feedback, I started thinking there was a lot of merit from their comments. The boys are young; they are a very young 5, which is perfectly fine. It just may mean they aren't ready yet for school.

When we've since discussed this with other adults in the boys' lives, we've gotten different responses: the school doesn't know what they are talking about - the boys are definitely ready; why not just hold them out a year, it never hurts and could only help; you don't want to hold them back unless you have a very valid reason or they might be bored and that is just as bad as being behind. Ugh.

I found a Psychologist that focuses on children and teens and will do an educational assessment. I have an appointment set up for J and I to talk with him first (that's what the Dr. suggested) and then he'll meet with each child separately and give us his feedback. It will prolong this process but at least we will get another "expert" assessment. I'm hoping it will help me get more peace of mind and make a decision and move on.